Bobby Hill really does the thing.
When trying a new style, the hardest part is committing to the bit when the ridicule starts rolling in. This is where corny motherfuckers say, “be a goldfish.”
Fuck that. Be Bobby Hill.
Husky Bobby — Season 2, Episode 6
Bobby’s love for clothing starts in an unlikely place: H. Dumpty’s, a store for plus-sized boys. The idea of being in a fat-kid store is disheartening—having spent some time in the Penney’s husky section myself—but the shame of the location gets quickly erased by the pride of having something you feel good in.
Bobby starts experimenting with styles, from rocker to youth minister, once he has pants that can actually button. His enthusiasm and styling land him an ad spot for H. Dumpty’s and an agent who gets him into Little Junior Plus, among other perks like free underwear. “I’m still wearing it, Dad.”
This doesn’t end with Bobby on the cover of Vogue, but instead with him being smuggled out of the mall while the other chubby kids get pelted with doughnuts. Where the average husky boy might have retreated, Bobby continued to cook up fits.
A Beer Can Named Desire — Season 4, Episode 6
Twenty-six years before the Met Gala put dandyism on the carpet, Bobby Hill was doing it Sunday night on Fox.
Most young boys would be excited to see their dad have a chance to win a million dollars. Bobby was much more interested in rich New Orleans culture and the difference between velvet and velveteen.
Before his first dinner with rich people, Bobby had already turned into “the kid on the paint can.”
By the time he’s worried that “this flower is wilting,” the transformation was complete. He had gone full dandy.
Now, you may think this is just Bobby being Bobby, but everyone likes to play a part. Hank didn’t become a wilting flower around the Dauterives, but when he arrived at the Superdome, he was more than willing to wear all of Don Meredith’s Cowboys gear for his big moment.
Eventually, Hank has enough of Bobby’s wilting-flower cosplay and tosses his clothes off the hotel balcony—even though I’m pretty sure he kept the jersey.
Rodeo Days — Season 4, Episode 12
What little kid didn’t want to be a cowboy? I can only imagine how much stronger that urge is when you’re growing up in Arlen, Texas, and not Staten Island, New York.
When the rodeo comes to town, Hank immediately takes Bobby to get his outfit to roll and ride in the junior rodeo. After Bobby figures out how chaps work, he’s ready for his new life as a cowboy.
He immediately wants the accessories. I’ve never been much of a belt-buckle guy myself, but I can see the appeal—especially when it’s earned.
He also realizes there’s another way to earn your buckle and figures, “Even if I don’t win, I can be a buckle bunny.” Accessories over everything.
Well, being a cowboy isn’t for everyone. Bobby finds himself stealing makeup and striped boxers to complete the look, leaving him with an ass pad instead of a belt buckle.
Our boy wonder takes to being a rodeo clown, and though it brings endless shame to Hank, in Joseph’s time of greatest need, Bobby is able to pull together the ultimate makeshift rodeo-clown fit to save his friend—and earn himself a buckle without a lasso or a mattress.
The best accessories are earned.
Dances With Dogs — Season 7, Episode 5
We all like to do our little outfits for occasions. Why would Bobby be any different, especially when engaging in competitive dog dancing?
What starts with matching bandanas with the family dog turns into a full father-son dog-dancing rivalry, with Bobby eventually confirming, “No limit to the number of sequins an entrant can have on his costume.”
Your outfit cannot be an afterthought if you’re a winner. Apparently that includes a sweatbanded-up training outfit.
This episode had everyone dressed to impress, but Bobby, of course, stole the show, flying through a routine with the neighbor’s dog in an outfit suitable for Siegfried & Roy.
The Boy Can’t Help It — Season 13, Episode 19
Before you learn to dress for yourself, you dress for others.
When the older girls take Bobby on as their pet, he feels the need to step up his game. No one told him he had to ascend, but when you’re going on a date with three older girls to the fancy mall, no ordinary outfit will do.
Bobby decides to ditch the T-shirt and shorts and play for keeps. He goes for a Miami Vice cool-guy look: mint blazer, orange polo, popped collar. This is Animation Domination mogging. Bart and Chris Griffin could never.
He even rolls up his sleeves like Rad, one of Luanne’s old boyfriends—a styling trick Bobby picked up back in Season 3.
Bobby, really feeling his oats, suggests they all wear matching cummerbunds to the school dance.
Though things didn’t work out for our loverboy, the boy can dress.
Your turn. Who’s the flyest character ever drawn—and what fit proves it?
-SP