As I white-knuckle A/W lookbooks and the end-of-summer chaos sets in, I spend like it is the end of days. But my appetite for destruction has bounds. These are not hunker down, sell a few things, or bring lunch from home purchases. These would blow my shit up.
1. The Row Babilor Leather Coat
Why I want it — I mean, look at the fucking thing. It’s sick. This is the leather that started my “I should own leather” arc. The Row has eluded me. There was the silk shirt that sold while it was in my cart, and I’m constantly hoping someone, somewhere will say the loafers run big enough for me to buy a 13.
It’s been on my Mr. Porter wishlist for years, always seeming to have one left in stock. I’ve never even looked at the measurements. It’s such a delusion. Just praying the XL fits.
What I’ll get instead — I’ll wear my Our Legacy Welding Jacket. I’ve talked about this thing before. You know I wanted it bad. It finally went on deep enough sale to justify it. This will get its shots up this fall. I also wouldn’t be too mad if I came across a nice little vintage leather blazer.
2. 2011 Saab 9-3 Convertible
Why I want it — This is just dumb. I have a car. I have absolutely no need for another one. The idea of car trouble would leave me sleepless. My auto repair skills would be flattered to be called dismal.
There would be something so chill about driving this old convertible around the Shore. Fare Filone vanity plate, because, you know, marketing. The baby blue would hit so hard on my ride to the office, blowing out the speakers with girly pop. Maybe smoke a cig and jump in like a Duke boy. It would be all fun and games until my hat blew off—or, even worse, my scalp got sunburned.
What I’ll get instead — Nothing. Easiest to buy, hardest to maintain. Insurance, maintenance, and the cold, long winter that would keep this thing Rapunzeled in a garage I don’t have.
3. Bottega Veneta Large Cabat — Fondant
Why I want it — I’ve recently become obsessed with getting a dad bag, because of course I am. I mean, is this not the perfect vessel for diapers, wipes and snacks? It may also get me committed.
I love the Bottega woven look, but is it low-key dead? I mean, everyone is braiding their leather now. This feels like the expensive thing you buy and then feel like the conductor of the jerkoff parade when everyone else is walking around with the dupe. Nonetheless, I want this in the most primitive sense of the word.
What I’ll get instead — The Alex Mill Perfect Weekend Tote. This is already an indulgent purchase I don’t really need, but it’s important to treat yourself right. I could use a bag I already have, or the one my wife will have that will surely be better laid out for the job at hand. But doesn’t this just feel like more fun?
Don’t worry, SLP—SAM is a little too on the nose. I’m not that self-centered.
4. Arsenal vs. Coventry City at the Emirates
Why I want it — It’s not even that long of a flight. Like, yes, when you’re reading this, the match is only a day away, but this is doable.
Out of everything on this list, this is the least expensive but the most time-sensitive. Since my first trip to the Emirates a few years ago, I’ve been scheming my way back. Planning trips, checking flights, never pulling the trigger. My biggest fear when traveling for sport is that they’ll lose. Yes, I understand that makes me sound like a child, but who wants to go through customs with a hangover and an L?
But we’re the champions of England, and Coventry is Coventry.
What I’ll get instead — The current cost of an economy flight to London is approximately 135 pints of Guinness at D’Arcy’s Tavern, so I guess the more logical thing to do would be to cut out a little early tomorrow and get a good seat at the bar.
I hate flying economy anyway.
5. Rolex Day-Date 40
Why I want it —
This is greed in a biblical form.
Solid gold watches are heavy and sweaty. Impractical enough that all prior ones have been sold. This will be different.
The irony of wearing something meant to commemorate a lifetime of hard work with so much more life to live is not lost on me. And this may be my Staten Island showing, but I need this desperately.
What I’ll get instead — A house.
-SP
The Row coat wowie. Makes me want to wear one and decide between the red or blue pill. I also need to get to a EPL game in my lifetime, that feels more realistic 🤣